My hands are scabbed, I'm dripping sweat and dropping to my knees as my arms give way under me. Yep-I'm back at CrossFit and I couldn't be happier!
Three weeks before my bikini competition in May I broke. Something inside me snapped and I couldn't even look at a barbell or prep another meal. It has taken me this long to finally reenergize and get my drive back(and write about it). It's always hard to see in the moment but failures or setbacks are always an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow. Now that I'm finally feeling back to normal I see that I was living an unbalanced life. I tend to take things to extremes, that's just my personality. My bikini prep only highlighted and amplified that part of my personality which was not healthy for me. Ultimately, that lead to my defeat and I was not in a good mental space. Now after taking it to the opposite extreme of zero workouts and eating like shit I'm starting to find a middle ground--balance. Slowly and with a conscious effort I'm trying to seek that harmony of attaining a goal without losing sight of others things that matter like friends and family and most importantly my mental health. Really, I just want to be healthy mentally and physically-don't we all??
Laying on the floor today attempting to complete another push up I couldn't help but smile inside. I realized that I am starting back at square one and that's kind of exciting! I was in the best shape of my life 3 months ago. Now, 15 pounds heavier and significant strength lost I again have the opportunity to transform. This time hopefully I can approach getting in shape with a more lighthearted approach. I tend to get so serious about life when really I need to just slow down and enjoy each day, each struggle, each drop of sweat that stings my eye. I'm making my set back a come back and hopefully I can inspire you to do the same. But don't rush it, you'll know when the time comes and you're ready to once again approach the bar.
Love and light,